I am grateful for everything you have done over 20 years to ensure that I rarely receive some truly cunning golf gifts.  

However, more things I would never want continue to enter the Christmas golf gift market. That's why I am writing to you again this year, just to be sure.

There are several styles of golf gloves that I am happy to never see on my left hand. They are made by the folks at Bender Gloves and sold through Amazon.com for $22 each.

The ad copy says these are "unique and compelling," but as you know, this is not always a good thing.  

The skull gloves, with bleached white bones on a black background, are just a reminder of too close to my old age.  

On the other hand (actually), the harlequin design may be an unfortunate and direct reminder of the current state of the jester in the golf game.    

Among other unpopular clothing items, I am not interested in golf socks. For example, this pair of "May The Course Be With You" is sold for $18 on Moonlightmakers.com.

The sales promotion included this amazing statement: "There is nothing like a pair of funny socks that can explain'I'm super funny'!"

This kind of reaction will never happen in real life.  

If the inventor uses a variation of Coco Chanel's famous suggestion-"Before you leave home, look in the mirror and take off one thing", then some golf gift ideas will do.

That’s what I thought when I saw what came with the Chip & Sip golf cup, which was sold through groovygolfgifts.com for $19.99.

On its own, the cup itself is good. However, it is also equipped with a small putter pen and foam golf ball that can roll over the arch at the bottom of the cup.

The website stated that the cup will "help him get through those long virtual meetings," and he can also put on "to vent his emotions or celebrate victory."

This suggestion reminded me of all the trouble some people caused themselves when their Zoom meeting camera captured a larger image than they thought.

If you ask me, it is better to use the cup and throw away those accessories.

I am only now getting used to the idea of ​​playing with golfers, who have to accompany their favorite tunes throughout the round. In other words, I am not interested in the Barnacle Pro GOLF Bluetooth speaker sold by Speaqua.com for $69.99.  

The golf-shaped device has a suction cup that can be attached to the windshield of a golf cart and can obviously store up to 2,000 songs.

I think that for some very slow golfers out there, this should only deal with 18 holes.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to separate my passion for sports. This is why I am not interested in the PutterBall Golf Pong Game, which is sold through Amazon at a high price of $194.99.

The game is equipped with two putters, two balls, a green putter table tennis mat, hole cover and a suitcase.

In essence, you are playing beer ping pong and golf together-this is the problem.

Years ago, my son-in-law Chris and I defeated a pair of fresh graduates in an ordinary beer table tennis match. The fact that we stay awake and they are not helping may help, but I like to think that this is our crazy skill.

If the four of us are on the green, the result will be the same, but in my opinion, beer ping pong and golf should not be mixed.

The pandemic hurt golf at first, but then the sport managed to recover from its effects. Even so, I am not interested in Face Masks from GolfWang.com, which sell for $30 for a three-piece set.

The cotton screen has three pure and soft colors: blue, green and pink (it is a fashion disrespect in itself), and there is a word "GOLF" on the front of the mask.

The Animated Golfing Santa is a retro Christmas "thing" that I don't need-mainly because I already have it.

Those friends who participated in the Potty Putter Toilet Golf Game for me last year discovered this battery-powered Christmas decoration in a boutique thrift store in the Cape area.

Sold by Gemmy Industries and first launched in 1996, it features Santa Claus wearing a golf suit, holding a putter, and preparing to hit the "hole". When the button is pressed, he will swing the putter towards the ball when playing various Christmas songs, such as "Twelve Days of Christmas" or "Midnight Coming".

Considering that Gemmy also created the infamous animated big mouth bass singing "Mack The Knife", you can easily appreciate how shocking this song sounds.  

Because nothing can express "golf" better than a tiny electronic Christmas carol, right?

Thanks again for the opportunity to tell you the Christmas I don't want. I wish you a happy holiday and say hello to Mrs. Claus and the elves for me.  

Fritz Schranck has been writing about the golf community in the Cape area since 1999. The snippets, stories and anecdotes in his column are included in his new book "Hole by the Hole: Golf Stories from the Cape of Delaware and Other Areas", available for purchase in Cape Town's Bulletin Office, Rehoboth Browseabout Books in Beechcraft, Biblion Books in Lewis and local golf courses. His columns and book reviews can be found on HoleByHole.com.

Contact Fritz via email fschranck@holebyhole.com.

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.